Monday, August 24, 2009

My 10 Twitter Commandments

Many different sets of commandments have been written for and about Twitter. Possibly very similar to these ones. However, with new people getting on twitter everyday, is never too late to instruct and educate them about the correct etiquette common sense and logic when it comes to tweeting.

Behold my 10 Twitter Commandments! Awe-inspiring nuggets of truths written and shared by my own mortal self.


1. Thou shalt be judged based on the complexity and thoroughness of your tweet.

- Discouraged: omg u guys r u feelin liek partying or wat
- Encouraged: A great value of antiquity lies in the fact that its writings are the only ones that modern men still read with exactness.



2. Thou shalt tweet something meaningful and appealing to the general audience

Discouraged: I'm here... walking down the street.
Encouraged: Tonight at 10pm (central time) the new complete NIN album will be available for download in this super secret link.



3. Thou shalt not re-tweet (RT) old, overused memes and viral videos. When in doubt, JFGI (Just Fucking Google It)

RT: Omg u guys, this Keyboard cat is funnnnehh!
RT: Hhahaha look! a spartan kick animation with jenga lolololol.


4. Thou shalt not tweet full stories that disrupt my time-line and all the space continuum in the universe.

This is how I read them:

- And then she died.
- She was getting really sick and she wouldn't talk or eat at all
- But then I found out she had a terminal disease
- I asked for her number and we dated a few times
- She was damn pretty
- I met this girl once in the bus
- I just remembered this really emotional passage of my life. I'm gonna tell you all about it


5. Thou shalt not provoke the bots on purpose.

You tweeted "boobs": @SexKitten666 is now following you.
You tweeted "financial": @HelpWithStress is now following you.
You tweeted "w00t!": @wootboot is following you.

You notice a trend. You want more followers. You know what you have to do, you know is bad but it's tempting and it's easy. It's eating you alive.

RESIST. Do Not Feed The Bots. They will unfollow you anyway.


6. Thou shalt not #trend just for the sake of it.

Example 1:
Omg u guys lets all tweet #iateyourcookie and make it a trend! Go, go, go!

Example 2:
What's going on in #iran lately? #tehran #cnn #neda #green #iphone #mac #apple


7. Thou shalt fix your typo by deleting the previous tweet. The option is there for thou. Use it.

- I'm so tired. I can't wait to get out of this hell whole.
- Oops. I maent hole, not whole.
- *meant. Geeez what's wrong with me today? I can't seem to type porperly
- Properly! Dammit!
No. Just... no.


8. Thou shalt not ask people to RT your tweet ten times a day / Thou shalt not RT crap.

It's annoying enough to see people RT'ing left and right just because someone finished their tweet with "please RT".
"I have a buddy that has a buddy and he needs to sell some crap ASAP. Anybody need crap? please RT"
And there you are, feeling all humanitarian and understanding. You RT'ed the shit out of it X 100.



9. Thou shalt resist the temptation to be the official weather forecaster. Thou and many others art doing the same at the same time.
- It's raining! :(
- It's sunny again! :) :)
- Oh no, It's raining again but is not too bad :|
- Now is getting bad :(
- It's been raining for 5 hours :( :(

Exceptions to this case: Tornadoes, Hurricanes, Alien invasions, Local Bets.


10. Thou shalt not creep out thy follower via DM.
Everybody talks about public tweets: what's acceptable and what is not, but nobody ever thinks of Direct Messages and, while not many, there are still some rules about DM's to abide by which will be self-explained through the following examples of creepiness:

- Hey, where in [insert random city] are you tweeting from?
- Hi! :) I like your picture. Do you have more? Can you send them to me?
- Do you have Google Latitude? Can I add you? Plsss.
- Wanna meetup for a private tweetup?
- I can't talk here. 140 chars are not enough. Add me on msn? we can talk for hours!
- Where are you?! You haven't tweeted since yesterday at 1:58pm, it's been 9 and a half hours.
- I think you know what I know ----> cryptic message.

BONUS Commandment:

Rule 1 and 2 still apply on twitter. Don't be an idiot.




PS. Failure to comply with the previous irrefutable statements will result in me unfollowing you at my own biased discretion.


Please RT!

4 comments:

  1. I was worried I was in for a smackdown when I started reading this, but I think I'm doing alright… for the most part.

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  2. oh jojo, creo que alguiem me desfolloweará pronto :B

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  3. alguien*

    demmet! XD



    lol


    ok ya pues :|

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  4. ya casi un año de esto, shame...

    ReplyDelete