Behold my 10 Twitter Commandments! Awe-inspiring nuggets of truths written and shared by my own mortal self.
1. Thou shalt be judged based on the complexity and thoroughness of your tweet.
- Discouraged: omg u guys r u feelin liek partying or wat
- Encouraged: A great value of antiquity lies in the fact that its writings are the only ones that modern men still read with exactness.
2. Thou shalt tweet something meaningful and appealing to the general audience
Discouraged: I'm here... walking down the street.
Encouraged: Tonight at 10pm (central time) the new complete NIN album will be available for download in this super secret link.
3. Thou shalt not re-tweet (RT) old, overused memes and viral videos. When in doubt, JFGI (Just Fucking Google It)
RT: Omg u guys, this Keyboard cat is funnnnehh!
RT: Hhahaha look! a spartan kick animation with jenga lolololol.
4. Thou shalt not tweet full stories that disrupt my time-line and all the space continuum in the universe.
This is how I read them:
- And then she died.
- She was getting really sick and she wouldn't talk or eat at all
- But then I found out she had a terminal disease
- I asked for her number and we dated a few times
- She was damn pretty
- I met this girl once in the bus
- I just remembered this really emotional passage of my life. I'm gonna tell you all about it
5. Thou shalt not provoke the bots on purpose.
You tweeted "boobs": @SexKitten666 is now following you.
You tweeted "financial": @HelpWithStress is now following you.
You tweeted "w00t!": @wootboot is following you.
RESIST. Do Not Feed The Bots. They will unfollow you anyway.
6. Thou shalt not #trend just for the sake of it.
Omg u guys lets all tweet #iateyourcookie and make it a trend! Go, go, go!
What's going on in #iran lately? #tehran #cnn #neda #green #iphone #mac #apple
7. Thou shalt fix your typo by deleting the previous tweet. The option is there for thou. Use it.
- I'm so tired. I can't wait to get out of this hell whole.No. Just... no.
- Oops. I maent hole, not whole.
- *meant. Geeez what's wrong with me today? I can't seem to type porperly
- Properly! Dammit!
8. Thou shalt not ask people to RT your tweet ten times a day / Thou shalt not RT crap.
It's annoying enough to see people RT'ing left and right just because someone finished their tweet with "please RT".
"I have a buddy that has a buddy and he needs to sell some crap ASAP. Anybody need crap? please RT"And there you are, feeling all humanitarian and understanding. You RT'ed the shit out of it X 100.
9. Thou shalt resist the temptation to be the official weather forecaster. Thou and many others art doing the same at the same time.
- It's raining! :(
- It's sunny again! :) :)
- Oh no, It's raining again but is not too bad :|
- Now is getting bad :(
- It's been raining for 5 hours :( :(
Exceptions to this case: Tornadoes, Hurricanes, Alien invasions, Local Bets.
10. Thou shalt not creep out thy follower via DM.
- Hey, where in [insert random city] are you tweeting from?
- Hi! :) I like your picture. Do you have more? Can you send them to me?
- Do you have Google Latitude? Can I add you? Plsss.
- Wanna meetup for a private tweetup?
- I can't talk here. 140 chars are not enough. Add me on msn? we can talk for hours!
- Where are you?! You haven't tweeted since yesterday at 1:58pm, it's been 9 and a half hours.
- I think you know what I know ----> cryptic message.
Rule 1 and 2 still apply on twitter. Don't be an idiot.